Back to The Start
by oh the cleverness of you
Summary: Sometimes relationships don't always go as planned. People aren't perfect, they mess up, but those mistakes are always there tainting everything you try to do to fix it. So what if you could a new slate completely to do everything right? Rated T for now for language, maybe M later. swan queen, pre swan queen, post swan queen


Authors notes at the end

Emma hated this bar, it was filthy, the counters were sticky, and lets just say the people that frequented this bar were..._no longer _her type of people. Yet she found herself here anyways, chugging a double of jack, because at least in this place no one would bother her. As the sheriff, these types of people didn't really have much to say to her, but as the daughter of Snow White they full out avoided her.

That is exactly what Emma found herself needing tonight, no one to ask her questions about why she was out this late, why she wasn't at home, with her son, with her girlfriend. These people wouldn't ask what happened, or tell her that maybe she was better off because Regina would always be the Evil Queen. Emma didn't have to tell these people, that Regina didn't do anything wrong. That it was Emma's fault, that she had pushed and pushed and pushed until Regina could no longer take it and had kicked her out. And she definitely would not have to listen to the worried voices questioning whether Regina would lash out at everyone else as she had done in the past when her heart was broken.

No here in this bar Emma could drink until she couldn't remember her own name, until she could forget the look on Regina's face when she asked Emma to leave. The finality of it. The resignation. The sadness. Here Emma could forget all the times Regina had looked at her sadly. Not understanding why Emma was doing this, not believing that those words could come out of Emma's mouth. Emma could forget how wonderful things had been when they returned from Neverland. The trip had been successful, they had brought Henry home, they had defeated the bad guy. And in a celebratory moment she had kissed Regina and suddenly everything fell into place.

It had been all uphill from there, secretly dating, not so secretly dating. Being with Regina had been so effortless, falling in love had been easy. Downing another Jack, Emma could forget the look on Regina's face when she asked Emma to move into the mansion. How excited she had been at the idea. Emma could forget that this was the first time that she had made Regina sad, when she didn't jump at the prospect. But Emma did it anyway, she moved into the mansion and they attempted to start a life together.

This is where things changed, this is where Emma fucked up. Where she was afraid, afraid of home, and family. Afraid that she would blink and that it would all go away. Regina would change her mind, Henry would suddenly be angry that she abandoned him, or that maybe it was all a dream and she didn't have Henry, Regina, or her Mom and Dad back in her life. So Emma continued to drink until she could forget that she'd pushed Regina away, that somewhere in the back of her twisted mind she had convinced herself that if she was the one to destroy everything it would not be the same as people destroying her. That she could cause the ending, before the ending could destroy her. Emma wanted to forget that she ended up hurt anyways, because she had hurt the women she loved. Emma could forget that her heart is breaking into a thousand pieces and it was no one's fault but her own. She was the author of her own misfortune.

Emma brought yet another glass to her lips, finishing the drink in one full sip, before slamming it back down on the counter. With her blurred vision she could see the several glasses on the counter, but she had a hard time counting just how many were exactly there. However many there were though, it wasn't enough. She could still see Regina's face. She could still hear her voice as she told Emma that it would be best that she moved out.

Emma raised her hand to the bartender to signal that she wanted another, but the bartender shook his head no.

"You're done, sorry."

"Aw come on..." Emma squinted but had a hard time reading his name tag.. "Man, let me have just one more."

The bartender again shook his head and started to clear her glasses away.

"Fuck this shit." Emma mumbled under her breath. Leaning on the bar for support Emma stood up. Teetering on her own feet she made her way to the exit.

Using tables and chairs as leverage the Sheriff barely made it outside before promptly falling on her ass outside of the bar. Trying several times to lift herself up Emma found she just did not have the strength anymore and gave up, laying flat on her back gazing up at the sky.

Visions of Regina played through Emma's mind, and it made her sick with sadness. The pain in her chest was not numbed by the alcohol, but only continued to grow.

Emma grabbed at her chest alternating between hitting and massaging, urging the pain to go away.

"I'M SORRY REGINA." Emma screamed at the top of her lungs. Hoping that if she got it out, that it would make her feel better.

"I AM SO FUCKING SORRY, PLEASE REGINA. LETS GO BACK TO THE START."

The pain in Emma's chest didn't subside, it only grew worse. The Sheriff was finding it hard to breathe, as tears ran heavily down her face and her body was wracked with sobs.

"Let's go back to the start Regina." Emma whispered, the words barely leaving her lips.

"back to the start 'Gina...please." Emma forced one last plea from her mouth before the effects of the alcohol and the pain became too much to bare causing her to pass out.

Upon awaking Emma found herself in a strange bed. Attempting to get out to determine where she was, she found herself restrained to the bed. Emma's mind immediately went on high alert. Where was she, and how did she get here. Had someone from that seedy bar brought her here. She pulled at her arms, but the restraints were too tight. She whipped her head back and forth, but all she could gather was that she was in some sort of hospital room. But why would she be being restrained? She was the Sheriff for fucks sake. Just as Emma was about to yell out, she heard footsteps coming her way and decided to pretend to still be asleep.

"I don't know Madam Mayor, she was found outside of a bar last night. She was screaming your name, begging to go back to the start."

Emma briefly remembered that part of the evening before passing out, and was very curious to hear what Regina thought of what she said. She could feel Regina step closer to her, could smell her perfume.

"I don't know who this is Dr. Whale, I have never seen her before in my life."

_Hey guys so I have had this in my head for awhile now, and I am not even sure if I am truly happy with the way I decided to take this, so if people are interested in hearing more let me know. Also I have no Beta, so all mistakes are my own, but if anyone is willing to Beta that would be awesome as well._

_Thanks for reading y'all can find me on tumblr if you want...xwearenotwhowearex_


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